Blog Post 2: Beyonce Knowles is a Goddamn Robot

April 9th, 2008


That’s right PROLETARIANS!!!

Wake up and smell the conspiracy! I have always had a deep-rooted distrust of Beyonce Knowles and her demands of me and my gender. But it wasn’t until recently that I figured out the exact reason why. She’s a damn dirty robot. More specifically she was manufactured by the government (or some other evil organization made up of evil old white people). Let’s be clear that this is based on nothing but a hunch. But you show me somebody led astray by a hunch and I’ll show you somebody that’s an obvious victim of Robo-Beyonce.

Let’s break it down. Take a good look at how Beyonce sings, talks, and moves. IT’S TOO PERFECT. Beyonce represents exactly what marketing companies think the typical American man want. She was created to sell CDs, hock perfume, trick women into thinking they can be empowered, and feed Jay-Z’s insatiable sexual appetite. I’m guessing you’ve got some questions.

Question: Does Robo-Beyonce know she’s a robot?

Answer: Yes. Re-watch ‘Bugaboo. Specifically minute 3:17. Look at the expression on her face. If that’s not the look of a person realizing that they don’t belong to the race of man I don’t know what is.

Question: Does she have ties to aliens?

Answer: Probably.

Question: Along with the human marketing companies?

Answer: Whoever said they were human?

Question: Talk more about Jay-Z insatiable appetite.

Answer: That’s not really a question and it makes me a little uncomfortable. All I’ll say is…one day it will destroy us all.

Blog Post 1: I don’t care for this at all.

March 19th, 2008

Me not understanding blogs.   Hey everybody! Nicholas here. I was entirely against the idea of each of us having our own blog, but here we are….Listen, I can’t figure out how to go down a line (that’s not the right way of saying it I know, but basically I can’t figure out how to do what the ‘enter’ key does in a normal, American, god-fearing word processor). If anyone knows how to do that…let me know. Also if anybody reading this (all three of you) have any questions for me, go ahead and ask them. Is this the right sort of forum thing in which we should answer questions? What the hell is a blog for, for christsakes? Is that how you spell ‘Christsakes’? The blog program is underlining it in red so I guess it’s not, but I’m not about to correct something just because a MACHINE tells me to. You heard me BLOG! You go straight to hell.