This Makes Awesome Sense

It’s a book. It’s about zombies. Read it.

That being said.

Where did the idea of zombies come from? Well, it’s horror, right? And what’s more horrifying than the thought of your whole family being killed and them coming back to life to kill you? Nothing. The answer is nothing.

But here’s the thing, I don’t think that’s where the idea for zombies came from. I think it came not from a place of horror, but from a place of “Wishful Thinking”. Listen.

Who among us hasn’t gotten really pissed off at our neighbor and said something along the lines of:

“Oh, I wish they’d just get sick and die.”

We’ve all said that. All of us. Some of us have shouted that in the middle of church we’ve wanted it so bad.

But then you think about it and you realize, it’s really not enough. It’s not enough for them just to die. I want to hurt them in some way. Preferably, with my shotgun.

But at the same time, I don’t want to just walk around shooting sick people. I don’t want to be known as “that guy.” There’s gotta be another way.

And then it hits. What if. What if after they go through their terrible, horrible, somehow-involving-lots-of-puss death, they were to come back? Not only come back, but be trying to hurt me? So now, I’ve got no choice. I have to shoot Carl. Not because his dog keeps shitting on my lawn and I’M the one who has to clean it up, but because Carl is now the living dead and out to get me. Add to that dream come true, the fact that Carl can only move about an inch a minute and stumbles into almost everything he can, and you’ve got something that’s closer to therapy than a horror story.

Who among us isn’t secretly hoping that tomorrow morning we’re going to have to grab our gun and our best gal and just blow the rest of the neighborhood straight to hell, grabbing as much canned corn along the way as possible?

The answer to that question, ladies and gentlemen, is why people are scary.

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