Posts Tagged ‘Pete McElligott’

Displeased With Pete McElligott

Thursday, April 17th, 2008

There just aren't words.

People have a certain expectation when they hear the words “Pete McElligott”. They expect a certain face, a certain feel, a certain font, a certain “grandiose” if you will. But more than that, they expect me. But still even more than that, I expect me. We all should.

I guess that’s my first problem with www.petemcelligott.com.

He’s not me.

His web address promises something very specific. It promises Pete McElligott. And yet, not one link. Not one photo. Not one ballad or villanelle written in ode to yours truly.

I can only imagine the betrayal you all must have felt when you were googling my name, clicking on every link you could find, and coming up with this. The hate-mail this man must have received. The death threats I’m sure he’s gotten, unless my postage was incorrect. It’s just a bad situation.

And not only does the site not deliver on the promise of me, but what it gives you is not just him. It’s him and his wife! Now it’s two versus one, and, goddammit, that’s just not fair.

And yet… perhaps it works to our advantage. Try and follow my brilliant mind on this one.

We get them divorced. How, you ask?

Mayhaps a bra planted in the couple’s bed. Something lacy and red with another woman’s name painted on it DOUSED in his cologne with a note pinned to the left cup that says “oh oh oh sex so good while wifey gone outside”.

Boom. End of marriage.

Questions arise. “Who gets the kids? Who gets the house? WHO GETS THE SITE?! Do we even still want the site? Probably not. Too many bad memories. What do we do?!”

Two months later the site is dead and gone along with their love. A week later www.petemcelligott.com is doing what it was meant to do from the start: selling cheaply made t-shirts as a front for my numerous credit card schemes.

But I didn’t do it for me. Oh no. I did it for Joe and Jane American. Whose domain I just bought. And have turned into a poster shop.

In closing, Pete McElligott, give me back my website. Or I will fuck up your marriage.

Love,

Your namesake.

And Then There Was This…

Sunday, March 23rd, 2008

Self Portrait

I thought I’d start with a self portrait.

And yes. I’m wearing eye liner.